Oct 20 2008
“Divine Justice” by Kyrel Zantonavitch - The Rational Argumentator
The Rational Argumentator
A Journal for Western Man
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Divine Justice
Kyrel Zantonavitch
Issue CLXXIV - October 20, 2008
A Christian, a Muslim, and an atheist all die by chance at the same time in the same place. All three slowly, gently ascend to Heaven on separate, small, puffy, white clouds. They look like slightly translucent versions of themselves in their prime and at their most characteristic. All three maneuver their wispy clouds together to chat, wonder, and anxiously speculate. They become fast friends on the way up.
“Tell me your life story!” they say to each other eagerly but respectfully. Still, the three pals are rather nervous in the face of the Ultimate. And yet — each is honest and brave, and relates their tale with integrity.
“I had strong faith, and I served my fellow man pretty well — altho’ not nearly as much as I should have — and I was decently happy,” said the Christian. “I had huge faith, and I served god quite well — altho’ not nearly as much as I should have — and I was somewhat happy,” said the Muslim. “I had great confidence and trust in reason, and I served myself very well indeed — altho’ not nearly as much as I should have — and I was almost deliriously happy,” said the atheist.
The two religiosos looked at the third man with apprehension. “You’re doomed, my friend,” they said softly. “Probably,” said the reasonist. “I certainly never expected this!” The three considered their situation and looked at the beautiful receding earth with breathless amazement.
The two men of god and the one man of reason arrived at the Pearly Gates — essentially just a thin, hovering, royal purple, picket fence with rounded white tips. The three dead men got off their clouds and tentatively approached the guarded entrance. An archangel majestically appeared, gazed upon them, and said: “Are you all together? Are you all friends?” “Yes,” they replied in unison. “Enter!” barked the angel.
The Christian, the Muslim, and the atheist all reflectively approached god almighty. He looked down upon them. “I know you three very well indeed. Nevertheless — state your case!” he commanded.
Each did so. God listened thoughtfully and patiently to all of it.
“Do you have any last words before I pronounce Final Judgment?” said the overlord. The two religiosos hesitated. “Forgive him, please!” said the holy men together, about their highly rational friend.
God said to the Christian: “You were unselfish and ungreedy. You made many of those around you thus. You threw away most of your fun, pleasure, joy, and happiness to serve me.” He paused. “You didn’t properly treasure your existence — and squandered my gift of life.” God added: “You also significantly aided and abetted several lowly Muslims — ones you call ‘children of god’.”
God said to the Muslim: “You were incredibly unselfish and ungreedy. You made most of those around you thus. You threw away almost all of your fun, pleasure, joy, and happiness to slavishly serve me.” He paused. “You didn’t at all properly treasure your existence — and wildly squandered my gift of life.” God added: “You also robbed and killed several semi-decent Christians — ones you called ‘infidels’.”
God said to the atheist: “You adhered to reality, truth, life, self, and happiness.” He paused. “You are my glory. You get to live in Paradise for a long, long time!”
God looked at all three sagaciously. Then he focused on the faithful and pious men of god. “As for you two, my Jesus freak and Mohammad mutant — you get to burn in Hell for eternity!“
“Just a minute!” said the atheist instantly. God was astonished. The man of reason coolly walked up to god and looked him up and down with disgust and even visceral revulsion. Then the rational man suddenly, brutally knocked god to the ground, kicked him in [a sensitive place], spat in his face, and cursed him passionately, profusely, and profanely.
“That’s for never giving us any indication whatsoever that all this evil religious [rubbish] is actually real. Also for letting genuinely good people suffer and profoundly evil people triumph so much! You know, you’re really pathetic, you miserable monster and festering feculent [abomination]!”
God continued to be amazed. But he calmly picked himself up off the ground.
God rubbed his [previously hit parts] gingerly, dusted off his robes, and dried his face with dignity. Then he energetically drop-kicked both theists to fiery unforgiving Hell.
“My apologies.” said god to the atheist. “You are my greatest glory. You go to highest Heaven forever!”
___________
Kyrel Zantonavitch is the founder of The Liberal Institute (http://www.liberalinstitute.com/) and a writer for Rebirth of Reason (http://www.rebirthofreason.com). He can be contacted at zantonavitch@yahoo.com.
This TRA feature has been edited in accordance with TRA’s Statement of Policy.
Phenomenal piece of work whomever wrote it! I believe reason is goodness PERIOD and I believe in God as well btw.
http://waxingpoetically.today.com
http://artfromtheoutskirts.today.com